I remember the things i shouldn’t

I remember how you like your coffee

"yrr kitni meethi hai ye"

you said after the first sip.

how I still feel the smell of it

even when you are not around

I remember your favourite T-shirt

you accidentally put the iron on

how you cried for days remembering it

"meri favourite tshirt thi yaar"

I still hear your rant

even when you are not around

I remember your favourite drink

I still hear "it's the best, you should try"

I remember buying it

and having my first shot

the glass in my hand,

you on my mind

ahhh, the best buzz I ever had

I remember the shoes you own,

how you take care of them like babies

and when I listened to you

talking so passionately about them

I forgot I ever liked stilletos

and from that moment

all I ever wear was shoes,

all I bought was shoes.

how I still feel your presence,

every time I wear those stan smiths.

and when you said you liked them

I bought it without giving it a second thought

I remember your favourite movie

the one I couldn't watch after you said

it was your favourite

because I knew,

I will relate every second of it to you

I will feel things, I shouldn't

I remember the shirt your ex gave you

how it burns my heart

every time I see you wearing it.

I remember the songs

you ever put on your stories,

each one of them

and how I can't listen to them now

without you crossing my mind.

I remember our first eye contact

and despite being a writer

I lost all the words in those eyes

how do I tell you

I remember the things, I shouldn't

I wish I had the strength to let you go

I wish I had the courage to tell you how I feel

I wish you had feel the things I felt,

missed our the conversation like I did

I wish you have said the things I wished to hear

I wish you had hold me like I was meant to be hold,

safe and warm

in your arms.

I wish you hadn't hurt me

I wish you hadn't sit quiet when your heart wasn't quiet

I wish you kept it open like mine.

I wish you had done something to keep me around in the best way possible.

I lingered to that shred of hope for a long time

that you'll realise what we had was perfect

and you will come back and secure it.

I wish you had acknowledged it

before I started falling out of love

with you.

but a part of my heart is still reserved for you

I won't lie but it aches most of the time.

maybe it still lingers to that shred of hope

that you'll come back one day,

whole-heartedly without any second thoughts,

when my mind chose to move on.

but it still remembers the things it shouldn't

it still feel the things it shouldn't.